Second Dark Night – I Am Spiritual - Identified With Mind
The first time we see our true nature, higher-self arises into the mind, a flood of information comes into our consciousness and we receive knowledge about our life purpose. Information is downloaded into our mind and thinking is fast like a computer. This information helps us continue our spiritual awakening and we understand why we are here and what our special gifts are.
Because we are still the storyteller, we tend to embellish the pure information we receive so that it makes sense. The embellishment creates strange stories of why we are here and what is our life mission. After the first awakening, some may think they are God’s chosen one or that they are the reincarnation of a famous mystic. It is a natural inclination to want to save the world and while our intention is good, it is misguided, as we do not know any better. We tend to go into a head-trip after the first awakening and some people never get out of it and end in psych wards. We can be carried away with our newfound meaning and purpose in life and it becomes our new identification.
As we drop attachments with material possessions, it is still our nature to attach and so we latch on to the new one. This can be another long dark night, but not as long as the previous one. Each dark night gets shorter as we progress. After awakening, we identify with our spiritual aspect and tend to ignore our thoughts and feelings, which create a split identity. This is similar to what happens when people go crazy from identifying with their thoughts and feelings, but now we identify with our spirit. The split creates a fake identify of being spiritual. We feel awake and we know something real has happened. This is difficult to get out of, because we do not trust other viewpoints. We are awakened and think we see clear. If someone tells us we are acting crazy or irrational, we tend to dismiss it.
Hopefully, luckily, the message gets through and we see the new split we have created. We let it go and crash down from the pink fluffy cloud back to the hard earth and the second dark night of the soul. Now we cry harder than we ever have before. This crying jag releases a ton of held emotional energy; it is cleaning out old beliefs and values and is healing. As in the first dark night, we tend to attach to the strong healing reactions and have similar thoughts and feelings. As discussed prior, to get through do not cling to the edges, rather seek the center. After the big release of energy, we will feel more spiritual. It is like coasting downhill because our awareness is higher. If we remain diligent to uncover the hiding games of the personality, insights will continue and our awareness will keep rising.
Second Awakening – Higher-Self Arises As Muscle Vibration - Emotions
The second step can last a lifetime, and is the hardest to complete. It is difficult to go beyond all the myriad tricks we create to keep the pretending game going. It needs intensive inquiry to unravel the cognitive layers and to identify new games we create to keep the identification game going. Concepts of ‘being’ is a new game we learn and it can be so satisfying that we rarely question it. A concept of ‘being’ refers to performing in a certain way, which is done to get validation for our new spiritual identity. The common denominator is still attachment to our self-image, but now the self-image is spiritual. We get confirmation of our spiritual self-image by joining ‘spiritual’ groups, where we give each other validation for being spiritual. Concepts of ‘being’ are adopted or invented, and then performed to prove we can ‘behave as spirit’. These concepts run the gauntlet of acting as an authority, giving advice, becoming a spiritual teacher or guru, developing a technique for self and others to follow and many more. We discover a new way to make a living and the activities are so satisfying that we lose motivation to find deeper hidden attachments. We tend to believe we are enlightened and therefore there is no longer a need to do this work.
If we do our meditation and continue to question ourselves with the desire for truth, we will discover the games and drop them. Going beyond the concept of ‘being’ is the hardest. We test out a concept of ‘being’ until it fails. Rather than giving up, we adopt or invent a new way ‘to be’. It is like having mini awakenings and mini dark nights, one after the other. We receive a new insight and later crash when we understand we still are not enlightened. Even while this happens, our awareness is rising and our personality is reducing in influence.
Eventually our awareness will be high enough to discover the cause of this endless game of adopting new ideas and trying to make them into our self-image or way of being. We will discover that this behavior is driven by our belief that what we tell ourselves is truth. We believe ‘our story’ is truth, because it gives us the feeling we know. When we clearly see how we fool ourselves by believing ‘our story’ is truth, then we will drop ‘our story’ every chance we get.
Working diligently to stop the storytelling increases our awareness level, because storytelling consumes much energy. Our vibration level rises and we will encounter our higher-self again. This time it is not from realizing we are not our mind, but from realizing we are pure vibration. When this happens, we see that by being the storyteller we provoke our environment so we can react with strong emotion. The strong energy we create this way is what is fooling us. We thought this strong energy was aliveness. We see through the ruse by meeting our true vibration. Then we no longer want to do it anymore. The part of us that was pretending is gone. We are elated and many insights continue to come. The kundalini growing that is in progress becomes evident at the second awakening. At the first awakening, our vibration filled our mind, now it is stronger and has expanded to fill our body’s muscles.
We clearly see the game of personality and know storytelling fuels it; we are done with that old habit. The only thing left to do is quiet our mind as much as possible. We know if we do that, we will grow. There is nothing more to learn about how to be spiritual, we need no more concepts or techniques, and do not adopt a new self-image and have nothing to enlarge. We are finished with seeking and games. Our life becomes a meditation, and we work on dropping the remaining attachments.
MARY E. (BETSY) RABYOR was born in Wisconsin and lived in Nevada, Florida and Spain. She went to college and was a computer programmer for 17 years, with family and suburban life. Since 1990, she has meditated and learned self-healing techniques. In August of 1999, she spiritually awakened, quit her job and devoted her life to self-realization and helping others. Shortly after starting Reiki self-healing in 2005, her kundalini unexpectedly awakened. She continues to work with her kundalini transformation today. She lives in Wisconsin and is a skilled distance healer, author, poet, intuitive, and spiritual mentor.
